the people over there

My dad says people go to CG for spiritual rest.
My mum says I have CG at home every night.
God says I need a community of Christian friends.
I say I already have that.
Mr. McBride says never settle for what's good when you can go for what's better.
He says to have enthusiasm for God.

I don't know...
I really don't.

When I thought about fitting into their group, I thought to myself,
"I've never fit in before."

Then another thought came:
I fit in God's kingdom.

Oh wait.
THEY fit in God's kingdom, too.

And I guess that that is the supernatural bond that keeps us Christians together and united. My relationship with my brother or sister-in-Christ runs so deep that I would never think of betraying them for selfish reasons or for anything at all. Because to be like Christ is my goal. And I know that that is their goal, too.

I know it, but I don't see it.

And now I'm asking myself: DO I KNOW IT?
IS that their goal?!

block, 
Starry

christmas ushering

After a while... You started to do all the work.

And as you walked around talking, smiling, and trying with all your heart, I found myself silently watching you with an appreciation I never thought I'd ever have for a youth. 

Dear boy, thank you. 

I see your heart for our God, and I praise our Lord for you. 

Merry Christmas, 

Starry 

what could this mean

I dreamed of you...

On my birthday, you approached me to hand me a note. The note wasn't exactly for my birthday, but it was given on that day. The note read,

"Hi, Starry.
It is such a great opportunity to know you. I hope we can be closer in the future. I think that because of this note, it will be easier for me now. You're quite hard to get close to. :)
*your name*"

Flash forward and I was sleeping on a couch in a random room with nothing but that, a desk, and a chair. When I finally woke up and opened my eyes, you were there, and the first thing that I saw was you back facing me and sitting on that chair. You were sad and in such a pensive mood that I could feel pulses of negative emotions emanating off of you. And while your whole being was in thought, you tapped your finger on the table. One tap, and another tap, and another tap, and another tap went on and on. I wanted to comfort you so badly, but I didn't. I then got up from the couch and took up the note that you gave me. And when I did, you turned your head and saw that I was awake. I took the note, waved it in the air, and said with a smile, "remember this?" You then turned around to face me. You got up, laughed, and walked away without saying a single word.

So there I sat, left alone in the room with your presence still lingering in my heart.

Then I woke up.

dreamland, 
Starry

going going going

GOING TO CG ON FRIDAY.

I'm actually quite stoked.
I'll probably get lost, then give thanks, then go and be socially awkward, then come back, then blog about it, then give thanks.

HAHAHA.

WHAT'S NEW, PEOPLE.

I want to go to be a blessing to the people there...
I want to go to shine brighter for Christ.
I want to go to see more of what God has in store for me.
I want to go to learn more about living as my Savior did.
I want to go to sharpen iron and be sharpened.

I want to go because God wants me to go.
And even if I crash and burn, I will still know to give thanks because God's good is greater than our good. HAHAHA, PJ, I'M NOT GOING TO SAY "GOODER."

ahem.
ok.

friday, 
Starry

CG

To be honest...
I'm intimidated.

To be honest,
it's intimidating.

fellowship,
Starry

walk downstairs with him

God, if I like him, where will You be in our relationship? 

就算他真的喜欢上我，

我们也是不可能在一起的啊。 

And just thinking about him makes me shrink... 

Like look at him: 

I bet so many girls are head over heels over him. 

He's older than I; he has a uni life. 

I have no life; I have no friends. 

And even if I believe he's mature enough to not like a non-believer, 

he wouldn't choose me. 

I don't attend a CG, remember?! 

He leads one. 

I am socially impaired, remember?! 

He goes out for lunch with one girl. 

I'm not pretty, remember... 

All these thoughts are so worldly, so selfish. 

It's all about me! It's all about me! 

It's not about God! 

My security is in boys! Not Christ! 

The temptation to say "YES. I like him." is so strong... 

But I will never do it. How can I? 

Look at my life and look at what God has done for me. 

Look at what He's doing for me! 

Look at who He is and look at what He's given me. 

I'm speechless, and I will never leave. 

Especially not for a boy whose character I only have hunches about! 

What was I thinking?! 

Look at God. Then look at him. 

How could I even THINK about leaving my God and going to him?! 

I barely know him; I know my God! 

He doesn't love me; my Savior DIED for me! 

LOOK. 

LOOK AT GOD. LOOK AT THE CROSS. 

And if even after that you still say you want to leave?! 

Then you're crazy. You're illogical. You're despicable. 

rain, 

Starry 

so much of nothing

Every time I think of you, a deep pit of emptiness will form in me. 

It's like- 
I want something that I will never allow myself to have. 
It's like- 
I'll never get what I want, and that I should change what I want... 
But I can't. 

I don't want you. I want to change. 

How? 

you, 
Starry 

he him his

The way he talks-
The way he smiles-
The way he looks-
The way he laughs-

The way he is...

I am really REALLY SO ATTRACTED.
But it's nothing.
It's no big.
It isn't what God wants for me so it isn't what I want.

The more I think about it, the more I feel that-
This?
It's just something to keep in my heart and wait to fade out.

And while it lingers there,
I'll just watch.
I'll just stay.
I'll just admire.

And if he asks,
I'd say no.
I'd decline.
I'd reject.

And when my mind gets tempted,
I pray.
I refocus.
I ignore and suppress the attraction.

Have I ever faced such a temptation before?!
AND SUCH A BIG ONE?

Look at him...
Probably not...

will, 
Starry

how was your week

If you were to ask me:
"So how was your week?"

...

Me: "It was good! It was a week that was filled with answered prayers from God. Answers that were 'yes,' that is. I guess it's just nice to see that God listens and cares."

You: "What prayers were answered?"

Me: "I've been praying for this girl for quite some time now. She's a girl whose family comes to our church, and she recently started the same homeschooling program as my sister and I. Because of this, she contacted my sister, but since my sister is in China, she referred this girl to me. Her parents are a little controlling, and our Sunday schedules are completely different so I haven't been able to really spend time with her. I prayed for the opportunity and it came! Praise the Lord. I feel that our relationship is such a work of the divine hand of God, and having her path crossed with mine has given me a sense of responsibility. And what an opportunity! To reach a young soul for Christ. So I've been praying hard for this; and when He finally said 'yes,' I was gently reminded that God has His timing for everything and that I simply need to be patient and ready. How was yours?"

...

I'd love to hear about your week.

Maybe I should ask this Sunday...

...

Or maybe I shouldn't!

jacket,
Starry

catch up

Things are the same, and yet things are different. 

You're here but you're not. 

You're with me but you're not. 

How can I help you? 

How can I serve you? 

Use me, Lord. 

prayer, 

Starry 

how disgusting

When Pastor was talking about love today, I honestly HONESTLY found myself disgusted at you. 

"You make me feel needed"?! 

Why?! 

Why do you have to do this?! 

I was trying to help you; 

I'm trying to help you! 

Let me help you; talk to me! 

boy, 

Starry 

414 window

I don't believe in the whole "414 window" thing. 

What I believe in is the Holy Spirit moving among us. 

I believe in the power of God melting our stone-hard hearts. 

I believe in the hand of God working in His mysterious way in His chosen and divine timing. 

I believe in God and not in what man has formulated. 

disbelief, 

Starry 

A Subway Lunch

With mindful thoughts and thoughtless minds, I let

My patience runs its course throughout the meal. 

My senses hype and feel each lash's bat. 

My being's fretting: "this cannot be real!" 

One flash flies forth before my very eyes; 

It shows my pray'rs arising to my King. 

My faith leaps up as high as to the skies;

"In Him," it cried, "I can do anything!" 

Yet here I am still sitting, praying hard-

Yet here I am still lifeless, boring, grey- 

Yet here I am still faithful, badly scarred- 

And here I am refusing not to pray. 

Like first bird's flight, the awkward meal goes on 

While silence chats ahead of every tongue. 

Before I know, all friendliness have gone. 

Before I know, the last song has been sung. 

His ways run so much higher than my ways. 

His thoughts I know that I will never know. 

With peace inside, I stand to give Him praise, 

For better things await when God says "no."

smelling babies

Why do babies smell so good?! 

Ugh. 

Smell of babies. 

Why. 

Good. 

weirdo, 

Starry

my Leader

God has led us thus far. 

He has led us to this. 

I will not fear; I will not fret. 

I will not complain: 

I have a perfect Leader. How can I? 

comfort, 

Starry 

i walked up

I walked up to the seventh floor. 

What was I expecting?! 

You? Waiting for me as if I'm some important person?! 

Or you. Reverting back into the way you once were with me? 

When I said I miss the seventh floor, I meant so much more than just spending time with you. 

Yes. Yes, I do miss spending time with you, but I miss the way you were even more. 

I wish- 

I wish we could go back to that relationship we once had. 

Just. 

Friends with Christ's sacrificial love for each other with a hundred percent dependence on who God is and what the gospel stands for. 

I don't know- 

I don't know how you feel or how you are right now, but I- 

I will always be here. 

For you. 

For God. 

seven, 

Starry 

you are rare

Are godly guys really that rare?
Why do I find myself always instantly crushing on the first one I see?!

uugggghhhhghghghggggguuuugghhhhh

Hi.
...
...
...

And then I get super awkward around this poor boy who has NO IDEA that I am dying inside because of who he is in Him.

Okay. Starry.
LISTEN UP:
HE IS NOT THE ONE. LIKE DUH.

There is a man who is perfect for you because God is the designer.
There is a man who loves God with such a passion that he will love you as Christ did the church.
There is a man whom God has chosen for you and especially for you.
And he will be godly. And he will love you—not for who you are, but for who God is.
And your paths will meet in God's timing, and your hearts will melt in God's timing.
And TWO will become ONE in God's timing.

AND GOD—the Father of THE BOTH OF YOU—
GOD will be the center of your relationship. 
And THAT is what really matters. 

So yes. So maybe godly guys are really rare. So maybe godly guys make me melt.
But if it isn't in God's timing, and if it isn't in God's plan for me,
I'll say no.
Thanks.
But no.

clarity,
Starry

The Difference

Now saved, his soul stands high with Him above,

And joy was shared in heaven for this sheep.

He’s now anew in the Good Shepherd’s love;

He’s now a cause for heaven’s bliss so deep.

Rejoicing ran to spread from plain to plain

In many mansions and on rivers pure.

And shedding tears like golden drops of rain,

The host of heaven seals his soul secure.

But what delight do people near him claim?

Their thorny hearts are stained with nonchalance.

Like pumping blood out, everything’s the same;

Like dying child, there is not one response.

Still, people pull down blinds and cannot see

How beautiful his feet may one day be! 

it only took one

You fell. You fell and you dragged him down with you.
One day, you're going to look back.
And you'll realize that
it
all
started

with one word:

angel, 
Starry

fool i'm a fool

I thought-
I thought I was reaching him.
I thought God was using me to help him.
I thought he was improving- GROWING.

Well.

What a fool I was.

What a FOOL I was!

WHAT A FOOL I WAS!

Forget it! Don't tell me how much you love me or how much you love God.
I'm done.

mentor, 
Starry

now i truly know

I know. 

I know the godly will often be despised. 

I know the godly will often be misunderstood. 

I've seen my parents under attack way too many times. 

I've heard my teacher preach way too many times. 

But why?

Why didn't I KNOW? 

You told me, Father. You warned me. 

You didn't let me go through this without a warning, and You're not letting me go through this alone. 

You've taken the spiritual comfort I used to find in my sister away from me, and You're making me focus on You and only You. You're making me depend on You... 

Well, Lord. Here I am. 

I've come to take your yoke. I've come to rest in You. 

I want only You. 

burdens, 

Starry 

text messages

I remember when you used to send me a message every morning and every night.

Good morning. 

Goodnight. 

It's funny how some people can base their feelings on hormones and call it love. 

You don't know what Love is. 

You just don't. 

greetings, 

Starry 

my conversation

Your mum–
Your mum is an overachiever.
She is someone who strives for perfection and, to be honest, comes pretty close to reaching it.
She's poised and proper and makes no compromises.
She is emotional yet stable; she judges yet loves.

Your dad–
Your dad's messy history only made him stronger.
When the storm came, he stood his ground and faced the winds.
His strength may come off as stubbornness to some and arrogance to others, but to me–
To me–
He is a man who is dependable because he depends on God.
He is what a man ought to be.

God gave you amazing parents.
I'm glad you cherish them.

impressions, 
Starry

i see nothing but

OH MY GOODNESS, MY BOY, I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND.

Why?
WHY?!

I JUST SEE NOTHING BUT GOD'S GRACE.

I–
I am really, pretty much, the most boring person ever.
I am not bubbly, enthusiastic, positive– I AM JUST A BIG BLAH.
I have zero interests, and I don't exactly fill people's lives with jelly beans and rainbows!

I–
I have nothing.

So why do you enjoy my company?
That, to me, is just the weirdest thing ever.
It is strange. It is abnormal.
It is God's grace.

I SEE NOTHING BUT GOD'S GRACE.

And I really REALLY don't deserve it.

grace, 
Starry

two dollars

I'd apologize again, but I know it won't do anything.

I understand that sin has consequences attached to it.

And I know that the impossibility of restoring my testimony is the consequence which I have to face right now.

So I will.
I will.
And I humbly accept this reproach from God.

lie, 

Starry 

what happened

Something happened...
Something did.

Something happened between us.
What is it?

Tell me; you can tell me.
But you won't.
And I won't even ask.
Just like how I know you won't ask me anything you find to be sensitive.

I know something happened between you and her.
You know that I know, yet you pretend I do not.
You do not see me as your mentor!
You do not see me as your friend!
At least not by my definitions!
And you.
You do not know how precious you are to me.

I'm at my wit's end, and all I hear from God is wait.
Have patience, Starry, wait.

What happened?
...
Tell me; you can tell me.

That thing.
That thing that happened between you and her?
It's influencing OUR relationship.

And you don't see it.
You don't see it at all.

Sure, I'll cover it up.
I'll cover it aaalllll up.
Not for YOUR sake, you do not deserve it.
For God, for my Father, for my Savior,
I will.

patience, 
Starry

you're quitting

You once told me you think that all who have left us were 完全纠结的.

Well, let me assure you:
If you go down this path, it will be hard for you to turn back.
And with your roots grounded in something else, it will most likely be impossible to turn back.

So you messed up.
It's okay! Don't we all?
Just trust and have faith that God can use it for good!

The path of the pursuit of godliness is hard. It's straight and it's narrow.
It doesn't mean you can quit.
It should be all that you work for, all that you want.
It should be everything in your actions: YOU are a child of God. YOU are His creation.
This path that you're journeying on? The one you want to quit?
ISN'T about us. It isn't about my mother; it isn't about my sister.
It is about God. YOUR God. And your relationship with Him!

So you have to understand:
Right now,
it's not too late to change; it's not too late to repent and start over.

Realize that your pride is in the way. Apologize, ask for forgiveness. Let it all go and move on!
Don't let Satan win this one!

If you go down this path, it will be hard for you to turn back.
So don't...
Please...
Don't.

decisions,
Starry

selfish

At the end of the day, we will all be held responsible for our own actions.
At the end of the day, we will all care more about ourselves.
At the end of the day, we will all be selfish.

Can there be selflessness in Adam's race?

I can think of many MANY people that I'm willing to die or suffer for.
For any non-Christian I am willing to pay the ultimate sacrifice.
And any child of God would concur.

So what does this mean?
...
Christ's love...

thoughts,
Starry

happy birthday

It is your birthday today. 

And my goodness. 

What a glorious thing it is that you were born. 

You will never know the impact you've left on my life. 

And I am proud. 

I am proud to say that when heaven comes, I will be one of the many, many that will walk up to you, hug you, and thank you for everything that you've done. 

I guess by then you'd know. 

Your example is amazing. 

Your love for Him shines through. 

Happy Birthday. 

wishes, 

Starry 

so much has happened

Oh my goodness.
So much has happened.

My dear,
I don't need you to be dazzling.
I don't need you to be the funniest person ever.
I don't need you to be an angel.

And I don't want you to be something God didn't design you to be.

All I ask for
All I need
All I want from you

...

is openness.

That's all.
That's it.

Even if you're the world's worst criminal:
If you are open,
I'll be there.

silence,
Starry

20

20 FACTS ABOUT ME 

1. I really dislike doing this sort of things, but when beautiful people like @oreosbeliebs and @cyrale tag you, you had better do it~ 

2. I can't differentiate creepy from beautiful. I don't know why. 

3. I love candles. 

4. Oh noooooooo. I still have so many more but I'm stuck. Uh. Uh. I only listen to hymns and 30's to 50's music. 👍

5. I like Batman. HAHAHA. WHO DOESN'T KNOW THAT. 

6. I have to shower on Sunday mornings before I enter into the house of God. 

7. I love black flowers, but people started saying it's bad. So I switched to blue. 

8. I love blue flowers. Ha. Haha. 

9. I really dislike CCM. 💔 😔

10. Play "Before the Throne of God Above" in front of me, and you get instant tears. We sang it on Sunday and I just NO. WHY EYES. WHY. 

11. Now remember, with great power comes great responsibility. 

12. I don't know why I actually made that a fact. 

13. Maybe I was stalling! Hmm. 

14. I think in four languages. When I'm tired, I don't translate. 

15. I am really unstable in the morning. Reeeeeaaaaally unstable. 

16. If I go one day without reading the Bible, my whole life falls apart. ... I'm terrible. 

17. I love plants, but plants don't love me. 

18. I live for God. 

19. I think our family's weird because we never have any problems. To God be the glory~ 

20. I know the secret to happiness. Go ahead. Ask me. 😏 

Wow. Like finally. I do NOT want to talk about myself for the next few days. 

I TAG @tjkr and @may_ang_graced. 

DO IT, PAUL. HAHA. 

i give up

He called me self-righteous and judgmental...
I'm starting to think that he's right.

So I'm stopping...

I need to.

self-righteousness, 
Starry

home turf battles

Father, you're really pushing me to the end, aren't You? 

After coming back to Singapore, everything changed. 

My perfect Christian world suddenly became a battlefield. 

Sunday has become a battlefield. 

Everything I hear from my spiritual family is almost always a shock to me. 

Am I too sensitive? 

For Christians, the church is supposed to be a resting place. 

Why is it so tiring for me? 

I want to rest. 

I'm tired. 

I'm continually wounded, 

and I need to rest. 

war, 

Starry 

THEE church

Today's sermon struck a chord with me.

One of the things which Satan loves to attack is the relationship of a church to a Christian. 

... What does that mean for me? 

To be honest, 

I don't know. 

Even right now, 

I still don't know. 

ignorance, 

Starry 

church service

I'm sitting alone on one row. 

I hear chatter all around me. 

I don't know if I'm happy. 

I need Jesus. 

church, 

Starry 

racism

Walking from home on Sunday morning, I saw a Singaporean Malay man with a large suitcase waiting to board the same elevator. I, of course, got ready to hold the lift for him. Yet when the lift came, he smiled, held on the button, and gestured for me to go first.

What a nice man. 

Soon, I reached the MRT station. And when a Singaporean Chinese man had the chance to do the same, he didn't. 

I know. I'm being racist. 

Yeah. Maybe! 

And one man does not represent his whole race. 

Yeah. Maybe! 

I'm just noticing how so many Singaporean Chinese insult and accuse the other races in Singapore and ignore their own shortcomings. 

I've always noticed how so many Singaporean Chinese insult and accuse Mainlanders in general and ignore their own shortcomings. 

Yes. Mainlanders are different. 

So?! 

Is different necessarily bad?! 

Why can't we ever accept ANYTHING or ANYONE other than what we are and what we're used to?! 

Singaporean, I urge you to stop this idiocy. If you can't accept someone because he talks loudly in public or fails to notice the law, you need to reevaluate the depth of your character. 

Understand that they're from a totally different culture. 

Understand that they may have a want to change to fit into this country. 

Understand that if you keep this up, they won't even have a chance to do so. 

So maybe I think this way because they're my people. 

Well, blow. 

This is my nation and homeland, too. 

impatience, 

Starry  

let's pretend

Okay, so let's just say: 

"Yeah! I do like you!" 

... Then what? 

Can I gush about you like other girls do about the boys they like? 

... No. 

Can I list out a full five points stating what I like about you? 

Well, no. 

Can I say that I am willing to go out with you if you asked? 

No. 

Can I like you? 

No! 

DO I like you? 

... 

I guess not. 

Because if I do, 

what do I like about you? 

... nothing. 

Just. Nothing. 

So I guess that this is just a fad that, well, sadly, is exaggerated by my loneliness. 

Loneliness is so interesting. 

Its effects are so subtle to me. 

I dare say: I never feel lonely. 

To feel it? 

Never. 

But to see it? 

Yeah, I guess. Just as in this situation! 

distinctions, 

Starry 

STOP. JUST STOP.

My Chemistry teacher mentioned methyl violet.

I thought of you when you argued about colors. 

I was eating rice and some of it dropped. 

I thought of you when you did the same. 

There was no talking at the dinner table. 

I thought of you when you whispered, "silence~~~"

When I was doodling in class, ...

When I was blankly staring into space, ...

When I am writing this post, ... 

GO! 

AWAY! 

STOP STAYING IN MY HEAD! YOU'RE NOT WELCOMED! 

GO! SHOO! 

SHOOSHOO!

>< 

you, 

Starry

i'm worried

I'm worried.
I really am.
Even though we rarely talk about deeper things, I know how you are and I know how you feel.
... You're just like me.

Friend, I can see where you are spiritually.
& I'll continue praying for you.

concern, 
Starry

that. this. isn't.

I don't know why I keep thinking of you.

Even though I know there isn't anything wrong with that, I still try to keep myself from doing it. 

Somehow I feel that liking you that way is ... wrong. 

Well. 

It is. 

Wanting or doing something God doesn't want IS wrong. 

So get out. 

So get out of my head. 

Yet just because I keep thinking about you doesn't mean I like you that way. 

... Ugghhhh. 

Anyway. 

I'll just make the best out of this: 

Every time I think of you, I'll just pray for you! 

So whatever it is that you're struggling with right now—I pray that it will leave you better-molded for the future; I pray that it will strip you bare that you may find true, raw peace in Christ; I pray that it will not cause you to lose hope nor doubt too much that you forget God's love and promises; I pray that you will continue to live by The Lord and dwell in Him in everything that you do. 

So while you go around being the likable "socialite" that you are, I'll just keep telling myself that 

this

isn't

love, 

Starry

laissez faire

lais·sez faire  [les-ey fair; French le-sey fer] 
noun
1.      the theory or system of government that upholds the autonomous
         character of the economic order, believing that government should
         intervene as little as possible in the direction of economic affairs.
2.     the practice or doctrine of noninterference in the affairs of others,
         especially with reference to individual conduct or freedom of action.

Origin: 
1815–25;  < French:  literally, allow to act
____________________________________________________

Why do you force me to join a ministry? Is it wrong for me to say that I do not understand? Just because I know more than anyone else?

So maybe I'm begging why.
Because my father is now a pastor?
Because you've boasted about me before?
Because you're trying to preserve what people think of me?

You say it's for my own good.
But let me tell you:
Forcing someone to do something he loathes will only breed hatred for the cause of the action itself.
I have no bitterness for God because of your wonderful parenting thus far.
But if you're going to continue to be like this, I cannot guarantee that I won't.

To be honest...
My walk with God has greatly improved recently.
Please don't stunt my spiritual growth, especially when I'm still this young and immature.
Though it isn't strong, I have a desire to do what's right.
Please don't force me to.
Please encourage me to.
Please urge me to.

Please tell me what's right and show me through God's Word why it is so.

I've loved the way you've parented me.
I've boasted of you so many times to my peers.
I've corrected some parents along the way.
... I know you have, too.

So maybe I'm just begging why.
Begging that you will let God change my heart.
Please don't force the change by making me do spiritual work that I hate.
Please don't do so because I'm spiritually immature.
I know that you don't think I am young and that I would understand.

Well, I'm sorry.
I don't.

apprehension,
Starry
____________________________________________________

"Religious acts done out of low motives are twice evil, evil in themselves and evil because they are done in the name of God."

                                                                           – A. W. Tozer 

____________________________________________________

essential & not

I will not take alcohol.
Not in my desert, not in my drink.
I will not flippantly date around--
I will not date at a young age.
I will not take drugs.
That includes smoking.
I will not dress indecently in public.

All these things I hold true to myself --
Essential?

Apparently, not, they're all not essential to Christian living.
& I know that.



... They're just essential to MY living.
And I WILL live like this. Nothing can change that.

It's just like what Mr. McBride said:

The little itty-bitty things don't really matter. Don't dwell so hard on those. At the end of the day, we're all fighting the same battle; we're all working for the kingdom of God. 

acceptance,
Starry

so grow up

The daylight flew as I wasted its providence by indulging in meaningless pleasures. I avoided my responsibilities and shut my conscience up.

I thought to myself:

I'm turning 18. 
Isn't it time to grow up? 

Even with this little responsibility, I'm this indolent.
What will I do when I have more?
When I'm in college? When I get a job? When I marry? When I'm a mother?

No more playing. No more messing around.
No more.
I'm turning 18.
It's time to grow up.

heaviness,
Starry

i have to stop crying i don't want to look like a goldfish on sunday morning

you

What do you do when one of the people that you love the most is hurting and crying her heart out while you can't do anything about it?

Pray, right?

Well, blow. I've been praying for this beautiful person for almost ten years now.

I want to be in her life SO BADLY.
I want CHRIST to be in her life SO BADLY.
Yet there isn't even much that I can do.

One of the things I often pray for her about is that God will break her.
But now that she's broken, she's turning to the temporary peace and comfort in the things of this world.
She's gone to others for answers and advice.
Why doesn't she think to go to God?
Can PEOPLE solve problems that were created by PEOPLE in the first place?!
Can YOU solve YOUR OWN PROBLEM?!

Lord, I ask for your perfect timing.
And since You're saying not now,
I'll wait.
I'll pray.

Friend, I love you. Do you know that?

tears,
Starry

NO WAY.

HI. 
I HAVE A BLOG. 
WHAAAAAAAAT? 

Hahaha, this is so funny. I totally forgot about this. Huh. This looks like another one of those "I will start blogging! It's a good habit!" and I make a complete fiasco and absolutely stop. Yes. One of those.

Hi. This is another ONE OF THOSE.
I WILL START BLOGGING! 
IT'S A GOOD HABIT! 

Blog starts here:

Hehe. 
Today! 
Was... 
Fun? 

Everyday is fun to me. I am so blessed by God.

why am i like this 

Blessed Assurance!
Jesus is mine.
Blessed Assurance, indeed.

So we--my sister and I, that is--went out to eat today.
:O 
MIRACLE 

Yes. We went out for dinner today. We went to NEX to eat their prata~ And ugh. I really did NOT want to go, but my sister did. I asked her on a scale of one to a hundred and she said NINETY.
NINETY. 

>.>

...

so we went 

...

and we waited really long for the food to come 

...

and we ran back for the nine o'clock show 

...

and we watched the nine o'clock show 

Ugh, Aloy is so hot. Can he please. He needs to control his face, like seriously. Turn it down, mister.

Anyway. 
I'm currently typing this out while my Chemistry class is playing.
aaaaaaand Mr. Ridgley just made a student run into his fellow classmate to demonstrate activation energy.

hahahahahahahhaahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha 
It sure caught MY attention~

So! will I keep blogging? Way~ 

(hopefully) 

And this, my dear readeR (yes, you, Rainbow), is the end of this blog post.

heart, 
Starry