untitled for now

These soldiers march and chant with suffering,

"One two, one two, left right, left right—press on."

These failures' feet are barely lingering,

As grounds give way and victories are gone.

Their faces wear a weary look of woe.

They tell a story worth the listening:

"Man's grades are sure one formidable foe;

Be careful lest they be your everything."

But when these soldiers touch their sacred land,

Their dear Commander runs to have them blessed.

He speaks as He holds each hand in His hand,

"You've tried your best—well done. Now come and rest."

I sit in empty rooms with none but Him

And watch as my desire for good grades dim.

self-condemnation

It seems like every woman goes through it in some form or another.

I'm realizing more and more that when I think those thoughts, I am not defying myself.
I am defying Him.

He's the one who justified me, so who am I to declare myself unforgiven?
He's the one who put value in me, so who am I to call myself worthless?

When Christ in His power and authority makes a decree of who I am, how I can I just ignore it and go around telling others that I'm something else?
How can I call Him a liar...

I thought about it, too.
If one day my child comes to me and tells me, "Mother. I'm worthless. There's no point in my living. Just take my life away. I'm stupid and I'm useless. I'm nothing," how would I feel?
Would I not be heartbroken that my precious child feels that way?
Would I not be outraged that he so deliberately denies the truth?

There are so many thoughts going on in my head about this and so many things that He's still teaching me about self-condemnation.

But there's a paper to write.
And lots more work to do.

I guess I should just end it right here.