I forgot what it was like...
I forgot what feeling physical pain in my chest because I cared so much for others felt like.
I forgot what those sleepless nights of prayer for others felt like.
I forgot what holding a person's hand and looking her in the eye in silent love felt like.
I forgot what giving up my life, my sins, and my pride to relate to others felt like.
I forgot what hearing the cries of others who are in pain felt like.
I forgot what mourning the spiritual death of another felt like.
I forgot what ministry felt like.
I forgot what the cries of the struggling sounded like.
I got drunk on being a good TA, being a good student, or even being a good friend; these are all good, but like with alcohol, they're good when in moderation.
I got so drunk on Bible college life that I forgot what the purpose of Bible college even is.
I studied ministry so much that I forgot ministry itself.
I was on a Bible college high; I was in a daze from the ecstasy of a spiritually safe environment.
Why was I thinking of TA-ing so much?
Why was I so hung up on whether I can date in Bible college or not?
Why in the world would I care when the people in my life are spiritually dying!
Why in the world would it even fill my head, when all the sound in my ears are the cries of the lost, begging to just hear one verse from God, begging hard to be set free!
I am not a Bible college student. I am a minister of God.
I am so much a minister of God that being a Bible college student just disappears.
I am in a war, and I am a soldier.
...
She is afraid of going to China; she has fear of such a calling.
It is almost as if she doesn't hear the cries of the people.
It is almost as if she doesn't understand ministry.
I left the prayer chapel in tears tonight.
I held the handle of the door at curfew and asked Him,
"God, You hear their cries, right?"
Even when we don't... You do, right?
Starry