accounting and piano

Listen, Starry. And listen to it hard.
If this is a goal you have set for yourself, what makes you think you can achieve it without any hard work? Without any practice? Without any sacrifice?

What makes you think right now that you can do well if you don't put in the effort to even work?!

Listen up and listen well!
Stop griping about people who are lazy and yet appear to make it in life. Stop complaining about the lot that you have received; just buck up, grit your teeth, work with what you've got, and straighten that iron back you've always got.

You're strong.
You're determined.
You're hardy, and you're an achiever.

Don't fall and stay flat in the slums: it doesn't suit you.
And it really just isn't you!

You're someone so much better than that. You're you!

Look. Keep every inch of motivation in your mind, knowing that you are more than conquerors.

Do everything, knowing that every success observable is a success granted and allowed by Him.
But Starry.
He's not going to do anything if all He's got to work with is a lazy, ungrateful, failing, useless servant like YOU!

Get the hell back up on your feet. Plant them once more on solid ground. Keep your freaking face in the pages of the Word, and DO YOUR STINKIN' WORK!
'Cause it's what He's given you; 'cause it's what He's asked of you; 'cause He loved you and gave HIMSELF for you!

Wake up, you slothful servant.
Work hard and work to hear His praise!

You can do this. You definitely can. You've got Him, and you've got lots which He has given you!

So do it.
Just do it.
Do it and make Him proud.
He loves you; love Him back.

Work hard. Get a good score in His books; get a good score with your elders. Let's do this.

untitled for now

These soldiers march and chant with suffering,

"One two, one two, left right, left right—press on."

These failures' feet are barely lingering,

As grounds give way and victories are gone.

Their faces wear a weary look of woe.

They tell a story worth the listening:

"Man's grades are sure one formidable foe;

Be careful lest they be your everything."

But when these soldiers touch their sacred land,

Their dear Commander runs to have them blessed.

He speaks as He holds each hand in His hand,

"You've tried your best—well done. Now come and rest."

I sit in empty rooms with none but Him

And watch as my desire for good grades dim.

self-condemnation

It seems like every woman goes through it in some form or another.

I'm realizing more and more that when I think those thoughts, I am not defying myself.
I am defying Him.

He's the one who justified me, so who am I to declare myself unforgiven?
He's the one who put value in me, so who am I to call myself worthless?

When Christ in His power and authority makes a decree of who I am, how I can I just ignore it and go around telling others that I'm something else?
How can I call Him a liar...

I thought about it, too.
If one day my child comes to me and tells me, "Mother. I'm worthless. There's no point in my living. Just take my life away. I'm stupid and I'm useless. I'm nothing," how would I feel?
Would I not be heartbroken that my precious child feels that way?
Would I not be outraged that he so deliberately denies the truth?

There are so many thoughts going on in my head about this and so many things that He's still teaching me about self-condemnation.

But there's a paper to write.
And lots more work to do.

I guess I should just end it right here.

TMU lifestyle

Everyday my life just consists of lunching alone, watching anime, and studying hard.

I hang out with friends often...
but all those times are just spent superficially.

I have no obligation to hear their sorrows and complaints, no responsibility to nurture their growth.

... And I'm happy.
Just with this simple lifestyle--no having to carry another's weight, no having to listen to another's problems--just me
myself
watching anime
studying hard
learning extensively.

...

I guess I'm that person huh.
I guess I'm just that selfish person.

ugly pics on fb?

I was about to hide all the bad photos of me that were taken in the past.

I thought of my physical ugliness which brought a superficial sort of shame.
I thought of this new chapter of life and the new people it brought; they didn't need to know what I looked like when I was, in social standards, ugly.
I clicked on the settings button on Facebook but hesitated.

There really isn't a need for that, is there...

There really is no need to hide.
If I did, it would imply that my boast today consists of Christ and something else, my average, non-ugly looks.
If I did, it would mean I actually care to an unhealthy extent what I look like on the outside.

What I used to look like on the outside really reflected what I used to look like on the inside.
I was a monster, and Christ saved me; if that can be my boast--and my only boast--I would bring glory to my loving Savior.

Yes, it may bug me that she often quotes who I used to be to magnify my flaws and overlook His grace.
Yes, it may prick a little, thinking that anyone on Facebook is able to have access to my ugliness.

But altogether it is worth it.
He is worthy, and no price I pay can compare to the one He paid.
I have nothing to hide, because I have only Him to boast of.

I don't mind looking ugly, if it means making Him look good.