laissez faire

lais·sez faire  [les-ey fair; French le-sey fer] 
noun
1.      the theory or system of government that upholds the autonomous
         character of the economic order, believing that government should
         intervene as little as possible in the direction of economic affairs.
2.     the practice or doctrine of noninterference in the affairs of others,
         especially with reference to individual conduct or freedom of action.

Origin: 
1815–25;  < French:  literally, allow to act
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Why do you force me to join a ministry? Is it wrong for me to say that I do not understand? Just because I know more than anyone else?

So maybe I'm begging why.
Because my father is now a pastor?
Because you've boasted about me before?
Because you're trying to preserve what people think of me?

You say it's for my own good.
But let me tell you:
Forcing someone to do something he loathes will only breed hatred for the cause of the action itself.
I have no bitterness for God because of your wonderful parenting thus far.
But if you're going to continue to be like this, I cannot guarantee that I won't.

To be honest...
My walk with God has greatly improved recently.
Please don't stunt my spiritual growth, especially when I'm still this young and immature.
Though it isn't strong, I have a desire to do what's right.
Please don't force me to.
Please encourage me to.
Please urge me to.

Please tell me what's right and show me through God's Word why it is so.

I've loved the way you've parented me.
I've boasted of you so many times to my peers.
I've corrected some parents along the way.
... I know you have, too.

So maybe I'm just begging why.
Begging that you will let God change my heart.
Please don't force the change by making me do spiritual work that I hate.
Please don't do so because I'm spiritually immature.
I know that you don't think I am young and that I would understand.

Well, I'm sorry.
I don't.

apprehension,
Starry
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"Religious acts done out of low motives are twice evil, evil in themselves and evil because they are done in the name of God."

                                                                           – A. W. Tozer 

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essential & not

I will not take alcohol.
Not in my desert, not in my drink.
I will not flippantly date around--
I will not date at a young age.
I will not take drugs.
That includes smoking.
I will not dress indecently in public.

All these things I hold true to myself --
Essential?

Apparently, not, they're all not essential to Christian living.
& I know that.



... They're just essential to MY living.
And I WILL live like this. Nothing can change that.

It's just like what Mr. McBride said:

The little itty-bitty things don't really matter. Don't dwell so hard on those. At the end of the day, we're all fighting the same battle; we're all working for the kingdom of God. 

acceptance,
Starry

so grow up

The daylight flew as I wasted its providence by indulging in meaningless pleasures. I avoided my responsibilities and shut my conscience up.

I thought to myself:

I'm turning 18. 
Isn't it time to grow up? 

Even with this little responsibility, I'm this indolent.
What will I do when I have more?
When I'm in college? When I get a job? When I marry? When I'm a mother?

No more playing. No more messing around.
No more.
I'm turning 18.
It's time to grow up.

heaviness,
Starry

i have to stop crying i don't want to look like a goldfish on sunday morning

you

What do you do when one of the people that you love the most is hurting and crying her heart out while you can't do anything about it?

Pray, right?

Well, blow. I've been praying for this beautiful person for almost ten years now.

I want to be in her life SO BADLY.
I want CHRIST to be in her life SO BADLY.
Yet there isn't even much that I can do.

One of the things I often pray for her about is that God will break her.
But now that she's broken, she's turning to the temporary peace and comfort in the things of this world.
She's gone to others for answers and advice.
Why doesn't she think to go to God?
Can PEOPLE solve problems that were created by PEOPLE in the first place?!
Can YOU solve YOUR OWN PROBLEM?!

Lord, I ask for your perfect timing.
And since You're saying not now,
I'll wait.
I'll pray.

Friend, I love you. Do you know that?

tears,
Starry

NO WAY.

HI. 
I HAVE A BLOG. 
WHAAAAAAAAT? 

Hahaha, this is so funny. I totally forgot about this. Huh. This looks like another one of those "I will start blogging! It's a good habit!" and I make a complete fiasco and absolutely stop. Yes. One of those.

Hi. This is another ONE OF THOSE.
I WILL START BLOGGING! 
IT'S A GOOD HABIT! 

Blog starts here:

Hehe. 
Today! 
Was... 
Fun? 

Everyday is fun to me. I am so blessed by God.

why am i like this 

Blessed Assurance!
Jesus is mine.
Blessed Assurance, indeed.

So we--my sister and I, that is--went out to eat today.
:O 
MIRACLE 

Yes. We went out for dinner today. We went to NEX to eat their prata~ And ugh. I really did NOT want to go, but my sister did. I asked her on a scale of one to a hundred and she said NINETY.
NINETY. 

>.>

...

so we went 

...

and we waited really long for the food to come 

...

and we ran back for the nine o'clock show 

...

and we watched the nine o'clock show 

Ugh, Aloy is so hot. Can he please. He needs to control his face, like seriously. Turn it down, mister.

Anyway. 
I'm currently typing this out while my Chemistry class is playing.
aaaaaaand Mr. Ridgley just made a student run into his fellow classmate to demonstrate activation energy.

hahahahahahahhaahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha 
It sure caught MY attention~

So! will I keep blogging? Way~ 

(hopefully) 

And this, my dear readeR (yes, you, Rainbow), is the end of this blog post.

heart, 
Starry